The Big SFNBAFD Running Diary – The Benches
by Homer Simmons
And finally, the draft is done. After seeing a whole league going into Big-Dog-Eff-You-All Mode for a couple of days all picks have finally been made. I am not going to comment all of them (not even I am THAT full of s****), but let me share some…umm…notes:
Round 6
Biggest Steal: The biggest irrational man on the planet, the perfect 6th man, the guy who just was the second best scorer on a championship team: Meet Jason Terry! Did Sefant really come back from Eff’ You country?
Biggest Bust: The commish. Not that he bend the rules this time again, that was expected. But giving himself two extra picks and sefant (again!) none? Yes, that is how you get guys into that eff’ you mode.
Simmons’ favorite: Ben Gordon. After picking Rodney Stuckey before, Vash continues to build the smallest backcourt in fantasy league history. Given the additional joke that Ben Gordon was good the last time in 2008 and that Stuckey and Gordon were involved in getting their last Headcoach fired, this is clearly my favorite.
Eff’ You Pick: After investing high picks into the worst defensive frontcourt duo since Yi and his chair team G-SUS opts for Kendrick Perkins. Not that I do not like Kendrick Perkins (obviously I do), but first of all 2011 Kendrick Perkins couldn’t defend the lesser Gasol and second of all: Bargnani/Jefferson/Perkins, who might be the odd man out? One question remains: If I bet on Perkins eating Bargnani alive during the first 2 weeks of the season, how much do I win?
Round 7
Biggest Steal: Fuffie gets himself one of the most underrated defenders in the league and now boasts a wing rotation of Kobe Bryant (that old dude who is still kinda good), Gerald Wallace (that guy who is mostly injured but extreme fun if he is not) and Prince Luc (the man who is entirely made of arms). He also gives Kobe the chance to prove that he at least is better than the Prince of the NBA, even though it might not be enough for the king. Great pick.
Biggest Bust: G-SUS continues his hybrid approach: If I have horrible defenders somewhere, let’s get a guy who lives for defense; If I have good ones, let’s get a guy who can’t defend his own shadow. I up my bet: What are the odds of Artest and Perkins killing the two Raptors within the first 2 days of the season?
Simmons’ favorite: Darko Milicic. ‘Nough said.
Eff’ You Pick: Jarrett Jack. I think most people already forgot that this guy actually plays Basketball. Sefant is BACK!
Round 8
Biggest Steal: Mav007 does it again and selects the closest thing to Jason Terry (irrational confidence, usually shrinks in big moments, absolutely horrible on defense) in Round 7. You need those guys in a working basketball team!
Biggest Bust: Mango now boasts the wing rotation of Lamar Odom, Jason Richardson, OJ Mayo and Vince Carter. It is almost impossible to accomplish this in such a small league.
Simmons’ favorite: Team Bulls4ever gets one of the most unlikely defenders of all time, the white guy Omer Asik who actually does not play like a white guy at all. And it is almost impossible not to love a Gortat/Asik Center rotation
Eff’ You Pick: Hedo Turkoglu. It gets even better: Artest vs. Turkoglu. Sounds like a wrestling match, right? (it doesn’t matter if Hedo wants to, he will have to! Hilarious!
Round 9
Biggest Steal: Marcus Camby. Just imagine him and Iblocka on a basketball field together.
Biggest Bust: Team Bulls4ever obviously missed the entire last season. Matt Barnes is not only crazy, he is also really bad these days. And if three of the five guys you got for position 1 to 3 can’t make an 18-footer you have a problem.
Simmons’ favorite: The Klopptrottels select Derek Fisher. I hate the Lakers, you know it, but you’ve got to respect a guy who has no visible basketball talent but is still one of the greatest winners in NBA history. Even if he’s an effin’ Laker.
Eff’ You Pick: Jose Calderon joins the ‘we won’t make 50 points but after picking our bench we cannot defend anybody anymore’ team. Great.
Round 10
Biggest Steal: As your tenth guy you want a specialist. Someone who can do one thing better than almost anybody else. That is why you pick Kyle Korver.
Biggest Bust: Did anybody watch the Heat last year? Apparently some people didn’t since Big Z was one of the worst players in NBA history last year. Most NBA Players would be faster than him walking on their hands, for god’s sake
Simmons’ favorite: Globie! ‘Nough said
Eff’ You Pick: Even Sefant cannot mess up round 10. It is impossible, trust me.
That being said, we finally come to my favorite category (Yay!): The official Homer Simmons’ Superteam. There are only two rules for that one: First, the guy needs to be a Free Agent. Second: I need to like him. Let’s go!
Point Guard: Brandon Jennings. The guy made 50 points one game (or something like that). Period.
Shooting Guard: Gilbert Arenas. You always need a guy who’s blogging skills vastly exceed his basketball skills. Always.
Small Forward: Marcus Thornton. Actually, why on earth does nobody pick that guy?
Power Forward: Big Baby. Because Team Simmons’ needs a Celtic. It is as simple as that.
Center: Matt Bonner. The super specialist. The only guy who plays significant minutes without having ANY significant skill typical for his position. ANY.
6th man: Brian Scalabrine. The best guy this league has ever seen. Perhaps not basketball wise, but still.
Man, I am looking forward to this tournament!
