Q: Not following the NBA lockout except for when you mention it in a mailbag. Is it at all possible for the players to break the owners?
— Jason, Seattle
SG: It's possible the same way getting struck by lightning is possible. Thanks for reminding me to write this week's installment of the Anusol NBA Lockout Watch. That's right, Anusol — the cream your colon needs when you're scratching it until it bleeds. If you're sitting in a pool of your own blood, try Anusol.
We'll make this week's update quick: I was told by Someone Who Knows that we need one month from "finished deal" to "signings/trades/training camp" to "we're ready to start!" That means we're missing games. If you gave me an over/under of January 15, I'm taking the over. Expect words like "contraction" and "merger" to start getting thrown around. The owners aren't messing around. As Deep Throat once said, "Follow the money." The owners paid $2.1 billion in salaries last year. They want to knock that number down by $500 million to $600 million annually while creating a harder cap … and really, they don't care how they get there. If the players want a bigger share of revenue, fine — the league will dip from 30 to 27 teams, and with 45 fewer players getting paid, the players can have a bigger share of the revenue. The owners are chopping that $2.1 billion figure down one way or the other. Even if it means canceling the 2011-12 season. I will now jam Anusol-covered fingers into my eye sockets.