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Junk Mail
Celts To Cynics: East Meets Best
By Mike Fisher - DB.com
I see everything that comes out of the NBA East as the hoops version of advertising fliers on my doorknob. You know. Porch spam.
No, I don't want your buy-3-get-1-free sushi coupon. (Do I look like I eat sushi?) No, I don't require your offer of housekeepers and lawn-maintainers. (I already employ a full-time two-person staff of laborers. Right, kids?) No, I don't need your Avon, your pizza, your dry cleaning, your manicures, your swimming pools or your phone books. (What government lobbyist is keeping the phone book off the Corporate Endangered Species List?)
The Eastern Conference -- and anything that happens in the East, anything that involves the East, anything that even faintly stinks of the East -- is a nuisance. Yeah, yeah, I know, the Miami Heat beat the Mavs in the Finals last spring, but to me, that's still a doorknob flier. ... except instead of rubber-banding it to the knob they used tape, thus ruining the warm, welcoming coat of red paint on my front door. ...
The East's best team is the Pistons, who are boasting that they just "dominated on the West Coast'' because they recently won at Seattle and Portland on consecutive nights. (To Detroit's credit, they also won Friday at Phoenix, completing a 5-0 roadie.) The Sonics, the Blazers and Pacific Northwest icon Kurt Cobain all play with the same energy right about now, so congrats, Pistons. The Heat and the Cavs are just now turning it on, realizing that in that conference it's really just a 41-game-schedule race to the playoffs; for the contenders in the East, those first 41 games mean as much as the preschool's annual Father-Son whiffle-ball game.
It would be handy to make fun of the Celtics' Eastern Conference ineptitude, given that the schedule-maker on Friday allowed the Mavs to exorcise their Suns-related hostilities with a 106-101 win over the Boston Ping-Pong Balls. But I can dismiss the lowly Celts as Dallas did -- shifting into high gear late thanks to the power of Dirk -- and move on to the wretched Easterners' latest blight on basketball:
The East-vs.-West double standard -- best exemplified by basketball "experts'' who, in the same breath, somehow find a way to love the New York Knicks and hate the Dallas Mavericks.
At ESPN.com, somebody named "LZ Granderson'' is accusing Dirk Nowitzki of being a "heartless choker.''
Writes "LZ Granderson'' (obviously a porn-movie alias) of what he saw Wednesday from his East Coast recliner: "The true MVP is Steve Nash -- again. The tighter the game became, the more Dirk disappeared. The more Dirk hesitated the more Nash dictated. This isn't about numbers, or missed shots -- though had Dirk made both free throws near the end of regulation the game would have been over. No, this is about heart. Jerry Stackhouse has it. Jason Terry has it. Josh Howard has it. But with all due respect to Mark Cuban, last night showed us all what Dwyane Wade was talking about when he basically said Dirk choked in the Finals. Listen, the big guy brings a lot to his basketball team, but heart ain't on the list. ... That doesn't mean the Mavs won't win the championship. It just means Dirk's not the deciding factor in the team doing so. I know it was just one game but it was a very important game.''
I assume "LZ's'' baby-monikering parents possessed both a sense of foresight and humor, because "LZ'' must be license-plate shorthand for "lazy.''
Let's debate. You know how we like to do it. ... point-by-craptastic-point:
* The true MVP is Steve Nash -- again. When it comes to Nash -- and I think you'll find this to be the case with most Mavs followers -- I'm way beyond dissing him. The two-time MVP is a special talent, so I tend to make arguments pro-Dirk rather than anti-Nash. No negative campaigning! (I learned that from Barack Obama.)
* The tighter the game became, the more Dirk disappeared. Simply not true. Here's Dirk's period-by-period shooting breakdown:
1: 0-2.
2: 5-8.
3: 3-7.
4: 1-5.
5: 1-1.
6: 1-5.
Dirk was actually at his "tightest'' in the first quarter. I guess we can argue that Dirk "disappeared'' because his best quarter was the second quarter -- but by shooting 5-of-8, he was sort of destined to go downhill from there, right? Not making the game-tying 13-foot jumper in the last seconds of the second OT is Nowitzki's failure; but a willingness to TAKE that shot is the exact opposite of "disappearing.''
Nowitzki was a sub-par 11-of-28 in that game. His 28 attempts were the most of any player in the game, eight more than any other Mav. I didn't really need him to "appear'' to take more shots; I just needed him to MAKE one more of the 28 he already took.
And again, this Mavs team usually makes those shots and wins those games. Said Dirk of the late-game pressure: "Those are the kind of situations you love.''
It may not be significant to the critics who only watch the Mavs on NBA holidays, but on Friday, Nowitzki scored 30 points, and as Dallas needed to rally from a 10-point deficit, he scored 19 in the final quarter, hitting all five field-goal attempts and all nine free throws in the fourth.
* The more Dirk hesitated the more Nash dictated. A confounding point, reflecting another pro-Nash argument: That he, as the point guard, controls the game more than Dirk does. This is undeniably true. While we're at it, we should note some other people who "control a game'' more than Dirk does: Smush Parker. Earl Watson. Rajon Rondo. The point guard, the quarterback, the pitcher, the goalie, will ALWAYS "control the game.'' But is the point guard, the quarterback, the pitcher, the goalie, always the MVP?
* No, this is about heart. Jerry Stackhouse has it. Jason Terry has it. Josh Howard has it. ... Last night showed us all what Dwyane Wade was talking about when he basically said Dirk choked in the Finals. I've lectured legendary sportswriters with greater stature than LZ on this subject, so here goes: Be VERY careful, as a sportswriter sitting in your air-conditioned suite eating free hot dogs as the waist on your Dockers grows tighter and tighter, labeling another man who devotes his body and his mind and his life to becoming a professional athlete. Because between the two of you, he is far less likely than you are, LZ, to be a "dog'' or a "pig'' or a "choker'' or a "loser.''
Nevertheless, LZ Granderson's in-depth, player-by-player analysis of Mavs' souls is very much appreciated, despite the probability that, yet again, we have foisted upon us another Mavs "insider'' who to my knowledge has never stepped foot in the Dallas locker room.
I'm reminded here of my friend Lang Whitaker's Suns-Mavs notebook at SLAM, where he wrote: How many guys on Dallas would take a bullet for Dirk? Don’t you get the sense that guys on Phoenix would be lining up to take one for Nash?
Now Lang, unlike LZ (to my knowledge) has actually interviewed some Mavs and hung with some Mavs. So his impressions are worth hearing. But Lang is also careful to pose the question instead of posing the answer -- and that's a good thing, because as I've seen with my own eyes, Dirk very naturally befriends new guys on this team (from Dampier to JJ Barea), very naturally guides teammates like Croshere and Harris to work under his mentor Holger Geschwindner, very naturally develops relationships with everyone from the superstarry Stackhouse to the ladies in the Mavs' secretarial pool.
The man doesn't have an enemy. Inside the Mavs. In the NBA, as far as I know. In DFW, as far as I know. On the planet, as far as I know.
I'll stretch a point here, if you really want to argue: Ironically, the only person who ever ditched Dirk -- who didn't "take a bullet for him'' -- might've been none other than Nash himself, when he scampered to Phoenix in a money chase that was either a) justifiable or b) an act of betrayal, depending on how manic a Mavs fan one is.
* Listen, the big guy brings a lot to his basketball team, but heart ain't on the list. Again with the cardiology exam? LZ, you listen: How is it that reDirkulous performances -- the guy who usually takes the final shot for a 51-11 team, all the 40-point nights, all the 50-point nights, the two WCF appearances, the game-winning play in last year's WCF Game 7 in San Antonio -- how is that all erased because the kid missed a free throw in a regular-season game in March?
I say Nowitzki gets extra heart credit for giving a damn. "That was as tough of a regular-season loss as I've had in my career," Nowitzki said. "In the regular season, here and there's a loss where you're pissed off, but last night really bothered me. Playoff losses have kept me up, but never one in the regular season. ...Last night I felt like I let the team down by not making the plays for us to win," Nowitzki said. "I felt my team played well enough to win it, and I could've come through."
* That doesn't mean the Mavs won't win the championship. It just means Dirk's not the deciding factor in the team doing so. Time to revoke this sportswriter's Poetic License. Book this: The surest way for Dallas to fail to win the title is for Dirk to not be the deciding factor.
* I know it was just one game but it was a very important game. Hey, the game was a riot, an NBA national holiday. But how it is bigger than April 1, when the teams meet again? How is it bigger than the two previous Dallas-Phoenix meetings, both won by the Mavs? How is it necessarily bigger than the upcoming April 15 meeting with the Spurs?
How did Phoenix' win on Wednesday mean everything. ... and their follow-up loss to the Pistons (who pretty much played without Chauncey Billups) mean nothing? Do folks really not understand that the 1 game in the standings that Dallas lost on Wednesday was regained on Friday?
LZ does realize, does he not, that if Phoenix is within a game of the Mavs going into the final two days of the season -- April 17-18 with back-to-back roadies against Nellie's Warriors and the Sonics -- that THOSE will suddenly be the most important Mavs games of the year, right?
What Wednesday was, was, The Best Game of the Season. We can all agree on that, correct?
Oh, wait. ... LZ Granderson has something else to say. ...
Less than 48 hours before sharing his Suns-Mavs insights on ESPN.com, Granderson wrote about the New York Knicks, and his newfound love for the Eastern Conference "contender'' with its shimmering 29-35 record. His words.
When the Knicks go to Toronto on Wednesday, it will be the biggest game of the year.
What the hell?! Knicks-Raptors is to be the Game of the Year? I thought we all agreed that Suns-Mavs was the Game of the Year?
Go on, LZ:
(The Knicks) do fight back. And it's because of that resiliency that I am happy to hear Isiah is sticking around. The team quit on Larry Brown and it could have quit on Isiah after an 8-15 start. But it didn't, and the reason why is because the Knicks love playing for their coach. Last week I saw Jared Jeffries literally grab a rebound and throw it into the stands. But three plays later he was diving head first to make a steal. When Stephon Marbury missed a free throw that cost the team the game, the home crowd said "Aaaaahhhhhh." Last year, that would have been "boooos." Things are slowly changing in New York. There is optimism inside and outside of the locker room and like it or not, the reason for that is Thomas. David Lee is a legitimate Sixth Man of the Year candidate, and Eddy Curry has to be mentioned as Most Improved. Through the suspensions, injuries and constant media scrutiny, Thomas has kept this team together and focused.
What The Hell Chapter II?! The Knicks have something Dirk Nowitzki lacks? Are you joking? The Knicks get your love for not quitting because it represents a change from having quit last year? For "throwing a rebound into the stands'' but then not repeating the gaffe? For making a steal? For being more "optimistic''? For being "together and focused'' enough to be only six games below .500?
Oh, and what was that about Marbury missing a free throw? What happened to the cardiology exam, Dr. Granderson?
Again, these two columns were written within 48 hours of each other, meaning either even Granderson himself doesn't read what he writes (and now neither will I) or
there is a double standard as the result of the stupefyinging poor play on that side of the NBA world.
I sometimes wonder if Dirk catches this sort of soft-Euro hell because instead of, say, beating up Ron Artest's wife, nicknaming himself "The Franchise'' or asking Uncle Pippen to hold his pot, The UberMan's most troublesome habit is that he keeps saying "yes'' to stuff like phot-ops with Justin Timberlake.
Either way, when it comes to teams from the East and opinions from the East, please, no Porch Spam, no doorbell-ringing, and no tape on my red paint.
You can just rubber-band 'em to my knob.
311am March 17 2007
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