ESPN BREAKING NEWS
Lakers star Kobe Bryant has traded himself to Itilian Division Three team Santini Fidenza, according to sources close to the league's top Shooting Guard. Even though he was amazed by teammate Kwame Brown hitting two free throws in a row in the first half of Los Angeles' blowout loss against the New Orleans/OKC Hornets on Saturday night, Bryant said he'd wanted a change of scenery for some time now.
"I think with my new teammates down in Fidenza, they can make my life a lot easier," Bryant said in a conference call during half time. "I mean it's not like it can get any worse. I've seen seven-footers like Kwame Brown miss point blank layups, watched skinny babys like Sasha Vujacic miss one wide open jumper after the other."
Bryant, who had to score 81 points against the Toronto Raptors last week to get his team another W, said his new teammates could open up the lane for him "because unlike some guys over there in LA, they can hit wide open jump shots".
The trade is expected to be finalized on Monday, Bryant is going to leave the game against the Hornets at halftime and is expected to take the next flight to Italy.
"I just want to get away from this bunch of useless dudes who would probably have their problems playing in a junior varsity game."